Work jargon scientists should have
Fakeference invitation: an email from Nancy, Sally or June, inviting you, for the second time (“perhaps you didn’t get my first invitation, there may be something wrong with my email”) to speak at a conference. The meeting has 5-10 Nobel laureates listed as invited speakers, and covers everything in science, from quantum mechanics to fish breeding. Needless to say, there is no meeting.
Fauxpen access: when a published offers “open access” publication, but not really. The paper is not under Creative Commons, the publisher still holds the copyright. Doesn’t stop them from charging you $4,000.
Grantxiety: that time between the moment you hear that your grant has scored well, and the moment you hear that it is still too low to be funded.
LinkedWho: an invitation from someone you don’t know to join on LinkedIn.
Paper turfing: when you refuse a request to review a manuscript, because the abstract is so poorly written you don’t even want to think what it would be like to slog through the whole paper.
PCWave: (rhymes with “PCA”): someone showing a principal components analysis chart at a seminar, furiously waving their hands around the data points to convince the audience they are clustered in some meaningful way.
Spamdoc: an email beginning with “Dear esteemed professor”, continues to list a a science biography that has no relevance to the research you do, and ends with a request to join your lab.
Starer bars: uncategorized, unannotated error bars in a graph. Are these SD, SE, CI or what? I don’t know, I guess I’ll just stare.
Travel dead zone: too far to drive, too near to fly (does not apply to countries that have good trains).
Virtual absence : taking your laptop to a coffee shop, activating the away message on your email and not answering the phone because you want to get some work done.
Virtual presence: being at a remote conference but answering work emails and Skype calls any time. Including 3am.
Workminar: when you go to a seminar for politeness sake, but take your laptop and work furiously through it because the grant deadline is tomorrow.