Email Bankruptcy – Brilliant
I received this from a colleague today. The sender’s name and identifying information have been removed to protect the guilty.
Under the United States Constitution Article I, Section 8, Clause 4
as enacted in Title 11 USC Chapter 7, individuals may declare
personal bankruptcy when their debts cannot be satisfied. You are hereby notified that ■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■■■ (hereafter, DEBTOR) is declaring ELECTRONIC CORRESPONDENCE (EMAIL) BANKRUPTCY AND LIQUIDATION, as his electronic correspondence (email) debts grossly exceed his capacity to respond. The DEBTOR receives 45,000 email messages per year but is able to provide only 10,000 responses annually. While many incoming
message claims have been dismissed as de minimis, at present the DEBTOR owes responses to 5,000 substantive unaddressed messages, and DEBTOR has no prospects of being able to satisfy this debt.
You have been identified as a CREDITOR, having sent the DEBTOR one or more
electronic mail messages to which the DEBTOR owes a response. A summary
of these messages is listed at the bottom of this NOTICE. Unless you
petition the TRUSTEE via bankrupt@■■■.■■■, the DEBTOR’s
obligation to respond to CREDITOR’s email shall be conclusively considered
null and void. The TRUSTEE shall adjudicate any claims within twelve (12)
months of filing. For most favorable consideration, it is advised that
CREDITORS defer claim submission for several months to avoid creating a
In accordance with the email bankruptcy procedures, the DEBTOR is
undergoing email credit counseling and reducing his email debt capacity by
temporarily suspending active daily use of his email account,
Following is a personal note from the DEBTOR to CREDITORS:
I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your email! Messages generally lingered in my
inbox because they deserved more attention and thoughtful responses than I
could provide at the time they arrived (though some messages that came at
especially busy times were never processed at all). Unfortunately, it has
become impossible to address the ever increasing backlog. It is necessary for me to have a clean slate.
If your message is still relevant, please re-send it after a few months to ■■■■■@■■■.■■■ .
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